No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
