I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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