my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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