THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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