i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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