But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
