once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
