All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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