Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize