If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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