How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
