my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
