Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
