is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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