I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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