that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
