it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
