It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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