yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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