so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
