I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
this is an emotional support booty call
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
