Cold hands, warm shart.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
