Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
