Can Purell be used as lube?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
