This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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