you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
