One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize