Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
