I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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