i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think your dad took our porno
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
