when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize