yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
