I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
