my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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