Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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