So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
