Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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