True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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