Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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