I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
