we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
