He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do vagina's smell?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
