Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
