She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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