he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
