he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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