i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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