In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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