I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
