After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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