TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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