i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
