We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
