doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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