I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
