I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
