The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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