Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
