i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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