Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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