Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
