There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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