You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
