Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
