I hate all girls vehemently.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
