ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
