Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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