btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
