We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
