Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
