We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
