he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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