Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize