Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
